


Sick of Losing Soulmates

by ginafics



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:55:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27473113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginafics/pseuds/ginafics
Summary: He wishes that alcohol could numb his pain. But there are shards of glass lodged into his heart from when he threw his empty soju bottle onto the wall. And the tremor that shakes his fingers is too violent for him to try pulling the glass out. He's too scared to finally break the little thing. The pain stays, enhanced by the piling numbers of empty bottles by his feet.People are stupid, alcohol never numbs any pain. Humans scream when their open wound is drenched in alcohol. Donghyuck chugs the rest of the liquid inside his green glass bottle anyway.(Alternatively, Donghyuck is sick of losing his soulmates, and still Fate gives him a new one. Lee Jeno.)
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Comments: 15
Kudos: 140
Collections: nct title fest 2020





	Sick of Losing Soulmates

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome to another monstrous fic of mine!
> 
> First of all, please heed the tags.
> 
> Second, this is my first time writing nsfw, please excuse the ugliness.
> 
> Lastly, I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> p.s. i, personally, think it's not as angsty as my tags make it seems to be, I just don't know what tags to use to warn you guys TT
> 
> For vibes: [Sick of Losing Soulmates Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7plcrPZZIPRZr5pl5SesAH?si=wYxCn8LORBOpFgyJMmC6PA)

The words keep reverberating inside his pounding skull.

_And I love you too, but maybe I shouldn't._

The tears burn his eyes as much as the clear liquid that's running down his throat.

Donghyuck takes another swig from his liquor bottle, trying to appease the beast that's clawing its way up through his stomach. Up, and up, _and up_. Until it ruptures his burning lungs and buries its claws deep into his heart. Cracking, splitting, and yet never shattering. _Aching_.

_Feelings aren't enough to hold life from breaking at the seams, Donghyuck._

He wishes that alcohol could numb his pain. But there are shards of glass lodged into his heart from when he threw his empty soju bottle onto the wall. And the tremor that shakes his fingers is too violent for him to try pulling the glass out. He's too scared to finally break the little thing. The pain stays, enhanced by the piling numbers of empty bottles by his feet.

People are stupid, alcohol never numbs any pain. Humans scream when their open wound is drenched in alcohol. Donghyuck chugs the rest of the liquid inside his green glass bottle anyway.

The firmament is jam-packed tonight, and the empty sky serves as a simple black curtain that hides the stages of the world from the Deities. Lain below it, the actors are ready with a spectacle of pain told in three acts. A cold balcony, the grandiose stage to showcase one’s bleeding heart. Donghyuck smiles bitterly at the cold night air, his loyal companion and only audience. His wounds, all open and raw, are on display and ready to be salted as Fate plays with him one more time.

He bites his tongue until his mouth is coated with copper, holding in the scream that's choking his throat. He doesn't know anymore whether it's actually physically painful for his soul mark to be erased from his skin or if it's just a psychosomatic manifestation from all the mental torture he had suffered so far. Donghyuck lets out a loud sob when the ink is finally cleared from his skin, leaving his wrist bare and naked, safe for the old fine thin lines that wouldn’t be seen unless people know where to look.

A memento of a hole he never wants to fall into ever again. He swallows the sudden bile that’s crawling up his throat at the sight. He was 17 when it first happened. And losing a soulmate at 17 years old wasn’t a pretty journey, hence the scarring. He was young and stupid, but forgiving himself is still a vigorous process even for his 25 years old self.

He is certain that burning his insides and destroying his liver with alcohol is not an answer to life’s torment, but he lets himself drown. He doesn’t let himself touch any alcohol outside of this day. He used to be filled with so much anger towards the world—he was angry, hence the shattered soju bottle somewhere inside his apartment—but now his anger subsides as quickly as it comes, leaving him to deal with the aftermath without anything to soften the pain. And as he cradles his bare wrist to his chest, he lets himself sob the ache away. With the night as his blanket, he curls into himself and screams his throat raw. 

A cry for help before he actually breaks—shattering into dust, a beautiful show reduced into an unsalvageable tragic ending.

A plea for an end. There’s no star to witness his pain tonight, but he pleads anyway. He pleads, and pleads, and begs until consciousness slips away from between his fingers.

* * *

Donghyuck opens his eyes after the third wave of shivers run through his body.

There are dried tear streaks on his cheeks, strewn alcohol bottles all around him, and a just risen sun above him. Not enough to warm a lost soul. He can feel his head pounding, can feel the way his stomach lurches with every small move he's making. Judging from the pain each of his joints is emanating, he is surely going to be sick.

The sky is still empty, devoid of all clouds at—6.24 a.m., Donghyuck's phone says. Even the blue is still so very pretty when it's bare and empty. Something painful once again creeps up into the cracks in his heart, making its home in the space behind his lungs. Donghyuck shuts his eyes tightly, forcing air into his lungs in a repetitive interval, washing the painful clench with Seoul's cold morning air. Dulling the sharp edges of his problems to fit it inside a box and store it at the back of his brain. He still has to go to work today, still has to face his biggest fear in approximately an hour and a half.

The bile burns its way up too quickly at the prospect of his day.

Donghyuck exhales a sigh before methodically getting up and assessing the mess in his room, in his whole fucking apartment— _their_ apartment. His chest once again constricts at the prospect of having to check the other room— _his_ room, Yukhei's room.

No, he can't do it. He holds onto his balcony's rail, inhaling a few quick breaths until the pain eases a little bit. God, he had been through this three times, isn't he supposed to be desensitized to it already? His eyes fall into the empty bottles on the floor. 

_Right_. Baby steps. Tackle things one at a time.

First, he'll clean up the bottles and the glass pieces. Then, he'll shower to get rid of the putrid smell of alcohol that’s clinging to each of his pores. Don't look at the state of the apartment. The apartment can wait— _Yukhei_ can wait.

Donghyuck leaves his apartment in his most immaculate suit, all dark and loose-fitting. It's almost like a battle suit that he only wears to his most important meetings and business invitations, like a second skin of armor. The sleeves of the shirt cover his arm to his palm, longer than the actual suit, and are always uncuffed. His neck's open for the world to see, Donghyuck hates ties. Despite how the outfit drowns his figure and makes him look even more vulnerable, Donghyuck thrives in it. He thrives in the confidence and the charisma the clothes exude, thrives in the way they overshadow the part of him that feels small— _scared_.

Jaemin is already waiting right in front of their company as Donghyuck gets out of his Volvo and hands the key to the valet. His pink hair all slicked back, not a strand out of place, and yet there’s a slight furrow to his eyebrows.

“They cut off the contract,” Jaemin says to Donghyuck’s ears right after he gets off from his car. There’s a tinge of panic in his voice, which makes Donghyuck feel bad, but at the same time, he can feel his shoulders losing the weight it was holding. They walk at a brisk pace to the private elevator, avoiding their staff and customers in the lobby.

The second the elevator’s door closed, Jaemin grasps his wrist—the wrist—and pulls his sleeve away. His eyes take in the sight of tan skin and thin scars, growing more and more concerned as the time ticks by. But Jaemin ends up closing his eyes with a sigh. He fixes Donghyuck’s sleeves and lets go of his arm gently—then his eyes burn through Donghyuck’s skull.

“I told you to never drink alone,” he says, voice stern and intimidating. Jaemin could be scary when he needs to and Donghyuck is weak towards his only friend.

“I’m sorry,” Donghyuck says softly, his stomach is filled with guilt for disobeying Jaemin’s number one rule. “I wasn’t—it had—” he stops himself and takes a shuddering breath before collecting his words. “I wasn’t thinking. It had been three happy years, it was too sudden.”

“Should I kill him?” Jaemin says, his eyes glint dangerously. Donghyuck knows he’s not playing.

“No. It’s just… it wasn’t working out anymore. He—” his stomach churns once again, “He fell out of love. It’s no one’s fault.”

“You said the same thing about the previous two people, Donghyuck.” Jaemin’s voice sounds exasperated and Donghyuck finally snorts at that.

“Well, yeah, but one was too young to understand and is in Canada right now. And the other one has his name written on your wrist. So truly, it’s no one’s fault, please don’t kill anyone.” Donghyuck can see the small smile Jaemin is sporting beside him and feels his chest lighten.

“Well, lucky for you, Wong Yukhei is not a complete asshole. He terminated the contract and paid the fine, but apparently, he already recommended our project to one of his friends, and this friend is supposed to be meeting with us today instead.” There’s a sharp grin adorning Jaemin’s face, so wide that he almost looks like a shark.

“They’re not on board with it yet, though, so we’ll be meeting them first and discuss some business shit, and if they agree, we’ll take it to the board directors.” Donghyuck nods as his friend lists their important schedule for today. “I’ll cancel whatever meeting you’ll have later, so you are free for the rest of the day. Also, I’m sending Doyoung to supervise you.” That stops Donghyuck.

“Jaemin,” he whines pitifully, “please don’t send Doyoung, please, I swear I’ll eat on time, and sleep, and not drink any more alcohol!” Donghyuck sends Jaemin his puppy eyes, despite knowing how it never works.

“Nope, I’m sending Doyoung. Or Taeyong if you don’t want Doyoung’s nagging.” Jaemin grins wickedly and Donghyuck lets go of him as if burned. His eyes are filled with betrayal.

“Fuck you, fine, send Doyoung. Taeyong’s scary when he’s mad.” Donghyuck pouts and Jaemin’s eyes soften. His hand pets Donghyuck’s head gently before gently trapping him into a bone-crushing hug.

“I’m so sorry shit keeps happening to you, Hyuckie, you don’t deserve this.”

Donghyuck hides his face in the crook of Jaemin’s neck and smiles sadly. Jaemin has always been his source of comfort—his arms, his smell, his playfulness, all of them scream safety to Donghyuck. At this point, he doesn’t think Fate cares about being fair or unfair, she just loves playing games and Donghyuck is her current favorite toy.

“Feel better, okay? I’ll call you once Yukhei’s friends arrived.” 

* * *

Donghyuck spends the rest of his day lying down on the sofa inside his office and staring at the high ceiling in silence. Doyoung has set up a workspace inside his office and has been busily typing for the past three hours. The consistent clicking sound has been relaxing, but not enough to soothe his aching heart.

“Hyung,” he finally croaks for the first time since Doyoung arrived. Doyoung just hums nonchalantly.

“Hyung…” Donghyuck ends up whining when Doyoung doesn’t seem to move his attention away from his laptop. There’s an annoying glare that’s directed at Donghyuck then.

“Are you always this annoying when heartbroken?” Doyoung quips and Donghyuck chuckles—a little hollow but also a little grateful. This has always been their dynamic. He’s glad Doyoung doesn’t act differently with him. He turns his gaze back at the white ceilings. “Have you ever been? Heartbroken, I mean.”

It’s small talk. Just something to fill the silence because the thoughts in his head are becoming too loud for him to handle. Donghyuck doesn’t even expect an answer to such a silly question, but Doyoung has never shied away from any type of discussion.

“Of course. It’s a universal experience, Donghyuck.”

“Romantically?” He challenges, turning his gaze to the man who’s sitting across the room from him. Doyoung just shrugs.

“Yeah, sure I had.” Donghyuck raises his eyebrow at the answer before turning his attention back at the ceiling. A universal experience, indeed.

“By your soulmate?” Donghyuck asks after a few moments of silence. He doesn’t like prying, but he’s intrigued.

“Someone else.” Doyoung doesn’t sound bitter—or hollow, or broken, or as if there are pieces of glass lodged in his guts. Doyoung sounds like everything that Donghyuck isn’t feeling right now.

“Huh. Never thought you’d say that, honestly. You look like those people who devote themselves to their soulmates only.”

Doyoung laughs at that. “Am I?” He says in amusement.

“Are you?” 

“No, I’m not. Sorry to burst your bubble.” Donghyuck waits for the story—for any explanation or elaboration, but it never comes. Donghyuck could only hope that finding his soulmate has turned out to be a good thing in Doyoung’s life. The silence once again envelopes them. The clicking sound starts again, deafeningly loud in the silent room, but not loud enough to drown the voice in Donghyuck’s mind.

The silence is finally disturbed by a chime from Donghyuck’s work phone. He sighs before sitting up and retrieving his phone from the glass table.

**Na Jaemin**  
_They’re here. Sending them to your office in 15 minutes._

“Are you?” Doyoung’s voice suddenly fills the room, making Donghyuck jump a little. He looks at his CFO confusedly. “Are you the devoted kind?” Doyoung’s eyes pierce him with an intensity he only sees when Doyoung’s excitement is piqued by an intriguing project.

Donghyuck swallows the bile that once again claws up his throat. Another chip of his cracking heart falls into the endless void inside his stomach.

“I am,” he finally says with a smile—it feels just as hollow as the next sentence he lets out. “I guess heartbreak doesn’t evade even the most devoted kind.”

Doyoung’s gaze is filled with so much pity for a split second before it’s gone as quickly as it comes. Donghyuck feels like he should be upset at the display of pity, but he isn’t—after all, no one can pity him more than himself. He sends Doyoung a reassuring smile before standing up and sitting back at his desk. If Doyoung is waiting for elaboration on Donghyuck's story, he doesn’t say anything.

“You should go back to your office. Yukhei’s friends have arrived and they’re coming in 15. Thanks for supervising me, Hyung.” There’s a playful glare he sends to the older which makes him laugh.

“Not my fault you’re a disaster when broken-hearted,” Doyoung says as he stands up and closes his laptop. He walks to the door before stopping and facing Donghyuck once again—face as serious as it can get. “Also you better get these people on board, Donghyuck, or we’re going to take a hard blow.” His voice turns professional, as simple as a switch being flipped. Donghyuck has always admired how Doyoung could switch his professional and personal persona so quickly.

“Are we in trouble?”

“No, but if you couldn’t score them, we’re going to struggle to finish the project on our own. Yukhei attracts investors,” Donghyuck can feel himself instinctively flinch at the name, but Doyoung doesn’t say anything if he notices. “They’d bail once they know Yukhei’s not in this anymore. Getting these people on board would mean fewer investors, but at least we’re not on our own.”

Donghyuck nods with conviction before grabbing his suit from the back of his chair and putting it on. “I guess it’s good that I’m in my best suit. I’ll charm them off their asses for you, Hyung~” he sends a playful grin at the other. Doyoung just rolls his eyes before taking his leave.

* * *

Donghyuck straightens his back when his secretary knocks on his door and peeks inside to announce the arrival of his guests. Donghyuck takes a deep breath and puts on his business smile to greet Yukhei’s friends. He’s just going to stand up when his muscles suddenly freeze mid-movement because, there, standing right before the door is someone Donghyuck never thought he would see again. 

Mark Lee.

He feels like all the air in his lungs is being punched out of him.

Mark looks just as surprised, which doesn’t do anything to quell the panic that’s clawing up his throat, clumping it up until breathing feels like the hardest chore he has ever done. Donghyuck doesn’t know what to do—doesn’t know how to escape from Fate’s cruel tight grip on his being. Maybe a marionette is all he is—wrist cuffed and ankles controlled by the invisible strings of a puppeteer for the sake of the Deities’ amusement.

He doesn’t realize how hard he’s currently gripping the edge of his table or how hard he’s shaking until there’s a cautious hand being put on top of his white knuckles. A gentle voice travels to his ears and grounds him back to reality.

“Mr. Lee, are you okay?” Donghyuck's gaze flicks upward only to meet the gentle face of the other guest that he hasn’t noticed before. He doesn’t know who the man is or why the concern in his face seems genuine, but he takes all of it as a form of distraction. He forces himself to take a deep breath a few times before putting a conscious effort to loosen his grip from the table. He looks back at the man once he feels a little bit more stable and nods. The man gives his face a once over before nodding and stepping back, putting a safe distance between the two of them.

Mark is still standing by the door. He looks just as shaken, but Donghyuck guesses the older is better at hiding it.

He takes another deep breath before slapping back a smile on his face. It isn’t his most perfect smile, but they ought to cut him some slack. It’s not every day you could meet your ex-soulmate.

“Gentlemen.” He nods politely at the both of them before gesturing at the sofa for them to sit down. “Please forgive me for my sudden breakdown. I was very surprised to have you as my guests today. Please do take a seat, Mr. Na will be here in a few minutes.” 

Donghyuck pings his secretary to get Jaemin in his office immediately, before attending to his new guests.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Mr. Lee? You look quite pale.” The same stranger asks once again. There’s still a trace of genuine worry in his face, which confuses Donghyuck abundantly.

“I’m okay, thank you, I was just quite surprised to see Mr. Lee in my office today.” Donghyuck decides to be brave and address the familiar man in front of him. 

The man looks surprised but delighted at the fact that his friend and his future business partner already knew each other, “Oh, are you guys old friends or something? Forgive me for prying Mr. Lee, but Mark here has never told me about you.” Donghyuck wants to laugh at the statement. Of course, he doesn’t even think Mark remembered his existence before today.

“Ah, we’re more of old acquaintances. Mr. Lee was my senior in high school, but we didn’t know each other that well.” That’s not a lie. But Donghyuck knows his response isn’t believable in the slightest when he sees the way the man glances at his empty working desk before looking back at Donghyuck with an analyzing stare. He moves his attention back to Mark.

“I never thought I’d be able to meet you again, Mr. Lee. How have you been?” It feels wrong—his question. It sounds way too polite and businesslike. As if they were just mere old acquaintances. As if Mark wasn’t an ugly memento of the past that Donghyuck holds so dearly to his heart. As if they weren’t entangled so deeply and their skin wasn't once marked by each other’s name—well, to be fair, Mark has never had Donghyuck’s name on his skin and Donghyuck still bears the scars of his pain although it’s no longer in the form of bold letters on his wrist.

Donghyuck meets Mark’s gaze and watches the other trying to form a response and failing. The silence tastes oddly like guilt and bitter sorrow—tense and suffocating. To Donghyuck’s horror, Mark’s eyes are rapidly filling with guilt.

“I’m sorry,” Mark says, his tone heavy and full of guilt. That oddly irritates Donghyuck. It has been 8 years. Isn’t it too late for someone to be apologizing so simply? He never blames Mark for anything, but the eight years late apology just tastes stale on his tongue.

“It wasn’t anyone’s fault.” Donghyuck’s response is tense.

“Still, I should have apologized.” Mark insists because, of course, he does.

“But you didn’t.” It’s a fact, and Donghyuck’s tone clarifies it as such—nonchalant. “Forget it, Mark, it is what it is. We were too young to know better.” They were young and naive. He was only 17 and high on the idea of loving a soulmate. Mark was only 18 and high on his ambition to conquer his dreams. Donghyuck confessed with Mark’s name on his wrist and Mark rejected him with someone else’s name on his wrists. It’s all fair and no one was to blame for any heartbreaks that were inflicted that day.

Right at that moment, his office door is opened and Jaemin strolls in with his usual charming smile. The atmosphere in the room must have been suffocating because his eyes turn calculating at once before landing at Donghyuck with concern. Donghyuck just slaps on his business smile and stands up with faux delight.

“Gentlemen, let me introduce you to my friend, this is Na Jaemin, my co-CEO. Jaemin, these are Yukhei’s connections, which I believe just came from Canada.”

Mark stands up and introduces himself. At the flash of a dangerous glint in Jaemin’s eyes, Donghyuck thinks he would rather be anywhere than here if he were Mark. The other man follows Mark’s lead and introduces himself as the one who would be working with them since their company is opening a branch in South Korea. Mark is just here as the head representative of their branch in Canada.

“My name’s Lee Jeno. I believe you can call me Jeno as we’ll be corresponding quite often.” The man—Jeno—offers both Jaemin and Donghyuck a genuine smile. As if offering a branch of friendship to two strangers, his eyes turn into two moon crescents along with his smile.

 _Pretty_.

Donghyuck slaps himself mentally at the thought that is suddenly popping inside his brain.

Maybe he could follow Doyoung’s path and stop devoting himself to his soulmates.

And then out of nowhere, Donghyuck’s knees buckle under him and he falls to the carpeted floor with a strangled shout as his wrist bursts in hot white pain. There are some panic questions and shouts being thrown into the air, but none of it matters to him. Nothing truly matters when your wrist feels like it’s being scorched by hot iron and the pain reverberates to the rest of his being. Donghyuck hates how familiar the pain is and still, he couldn’t endure it despite feeling the same thing last night. He can feel the tears that are falling down his cheeks and the ache in his throat, he can hear Jaemin’s soothing voice near his ear despite none of his words making sense in his mind, he can feel himself being lifted and moved somewhere. Donghyuck doesn’t know how long the pain lasts—it feels like hours before the pain ceases.

When Donghyuck’s senses come back to him, he keeps himself still, afraid to open his eyes and having to face another round of awkward explanations—afraid to open his eyes and see a brand new name on his wrist. He can feel the fingers that are stroking his hair gently and lets the sensation ground him.

“Hyuckie, baby, are you okay?” Jaemin’s voice reaches him in soft whispers. He nods his head jerkily.

“Jaeminnie…” he croaks out. His throat feels absolutely parched. Jaemin hums gently, his hand doesn’t stop petting Donghyuck’s head. It feels nice, distracting. Donghyuck doesn’t want to think about the rest of the world yet. “There’s a new name on my wrist, isn’t it?”

“Do you want me to see?” He asks hesitantly. Donghyuck just nods his head again. He can feel Jaemin’s hands pulling his sleeve away and dares himself to open his eyes once Jaemin is done.

Right on his left wrist, there are bold letters of a new name he just heard a few minutes ago. A new person for Donghyuck’s heart to, once again, chase for and break over.

**Lee Jeno**

* * *

The meeting is suffocating. All three of them try to ignore the huge elephant in the room, and they’re failing so hard. Not even the usually charming Jaemin could focus on his product presentation. Donghyuck lets out a drawn exhale before clapping his hands once, effectively stopping Jaemin’s presentation and drawing all the attention to him.

“Okay, this is clearly not working.” The room stays silent, but the curiosity is so palpable it could be cut by a scissor. Donghyuck squints at Jeno who came alone today to attend their postponed meeting before sighing exasperatedly. “Fine, ask away.”

“Are you okay?” Jeno shoots the first question straight away, which is not the question that Donghyuck has been expecting. Jaemin sighs.

“I’m leaving. Go talk and then have the meeting by yourself. Donghyuck is just as capable to explain everything to you as I am, Mr. Lee.” Donghyuck smiles amusedly at Jaemin’s refusal to be casual with Jeno and calls him by his first name. Unfortunately, he takes all the easy atmosphere with him as he leaves and now the room is just as suffocating as yesterday.

“Are you okay?” Jeno repeats his question once again—gentler, but Donghyuck can’t see any reason as to why he’s doing this. Caring for your future business partner usually isn’t a part of the contract.

“Yeah, as hard as it is to believe, that’s not the first time it happened to me.”

“What exactly happened? You were just suddenly—” Donghyuck can see the way Jeno shudders at the memory, “you were in so much pain.”

Donghyuck swallows the ball of nerves at the back of his throat before slowly unbuttoning his sleeves and revealing his wrist. “Apparently, losing a soulmate and getting a new one hurts like hell,” he says and then faces his wrist to his guest. The black ink looks like a tattoo project gone wrong on his sun-kissed skin—too thick black letters of a stranger’s name. Lee Jeno looks at his own name cuffing Donghyuck’s wrist with an unreadable expression.

The silence feels like it’s thickening if that’s even possible.

Donghyuck doesn’t know what runs through Jeno’s mind at the moment and he’s honestly not certain what kind of response he would want to see. Maybe Jeno would be the first person who outrightly rejects him. Maybe history would repeat itself and Donghyuck would find himself drowning in alcohol someday in the near future. 

Jeno is the first to react. A hand reaches towards Donghyuck’s wrist before stopping just a feather away from his skin. Donghyuck holds his breath at the action.

“May I?” He asks in a hushed whisper, voice filled with so much wonder that drives Donghyuck speechless. Donghyuck takes a glance at the other man and his eyes are both wide open in—awe? His focus is solely trained on the wrists presented right before him. It feels odd, like bearing his heart on his sleeve and trusting the other to not drop it. Such a ridiculous notion, Donghyuck’s brain provides. He has done this three times, he already knows how it will end.

And still Donghyuck nods. 

After all, it’s only fair that Jeno gets to have all of Donghyuck as his soulmate just as he has given all of himself to Mark, and Renjun, and Yukhei. If he still has anything left in him to give, that is.

Such a foolish being, the devoted kind.

Jeno’s finger is cautious, but also gentle and warm. A kind touch. Still, it sparks up Donghyuck’s arms. A soulmate’s first touch; a traditional ritual. He wonders how many more times should he repeat the said once in a lifetime sacred ritual?

Donghyuck feels like melting under the curious stroke of a gentle finger on bare skin. Jeno touches the soul mark as if it’s the most precious thing he has ever found in his life—carefully, cautiously, as if the name would be gone under the slight pressure. Donghyuck lets him take his time.

“You’re my soulmate…” Jeno finally says after finding his voice again. He sounds oddly speechless, almost breathless. The amazement is still very much palpable on his face. Donghyuck hates to be the one who breaks his heart.

“No,” he says as gently as he could, after all the idea of soulmates is a semblance of utopia to many. But just as every 13-year-old needs to know that Santa Claus doesn’t exist, Jeno needs to know the truth. “Jeno, you are _my_ soulmate.” 

“What does that even mean?”

“It means you being my soulmate doesn’t necessarily make me your soulmate.” Donghyuck hopes he doesn’t sound as sad as the notion makes him. The knots in his stomach tighten once again at the prospect of recounting his story to Jeno.

The moment Donghyuck dares to take a look at his new soulmate, Jeno looks like he has been punched in the gut.

“Don’t worry, Jeno, I won’t bite you if you have someone else’s name.” Donghyuck opts for a joke at how uneasy Jeno is looking. 

“I was truly happy to know that you have my name, Donghyuck,” the other finally says, sounding as dejected as a kicked puppy. Donghyuck’s heart once again cracks. Jeno unbuttons his sleeve and pushes it away to showcase his bare wrist. “I never have a name on me. I always thought that I just don’t have a soulmate, but here you are.” Donghyuck’s heart feels like it’s being crushed under a pester at how hopeful Jeno sounds.

“Trust me, everyone has a soulmate. Look at me, I got four.” His joke sounds too hollow even to his ear. And for the first time, Donghyuck can’t stomach the way Jeno is looking at him right now.

“You know what? How about finishing this meeting and then we could go out and get to know each other better? I swear I’ll answer whatever questions you have about this soulmate business.” Donghyuck opts to offer his branch of friendship. Jeno’s stare that’s directed at him is long and calculating until he finally nods in agreement.

* * *

The meeting ends quickly as Jeno only needs to get a little more information about the project to make his decision. Before long, the proposals are done being negotiated and finished being signed. Just by lunchtime, they already managed to snatch a table in the restaurant that Donghyuck usually frequented despite the busy hour.

Once the empty dishes on their table are being taken away and replaced by two glasses of iced coffee, Donghyuck leans back on his chair. His eyes are trained on the droplets of water on the outer surface of his glass before focusing back on his company.

“Ask away.” Donghyuck starts.

“You see, Donghyuck, I’m not sure what I’m allowed and not allowed to ask.”

Donghyuck smiles genuinely at that, “I told you I’d answer anything.” 

Jeno stays silent for a few moments before he speaks again in an uncharacteristically shy voice, “Can I see it again? Your soul mark?” Donghyuck’s eyes widen in surprise but his fingers once again push his sleeves away from his wrist. Jeno gently cradles Donghyuck’s hand on his palms and once again traces the letters on his skin. “It’s pretty. My name on your skin, it’s pretty.” Jeno murmurs as if it’s secret only for the two of them to know.

Donghyuck can feel the way his cheeks heat up at Jeno’s nonchalant comment. He came to this lunch expecting to be interrogated about his past soulmates, and yet here they are. 

“Too bad mine is not on yours. Maybe it would be just as pretty.” Donghyuck says just as soft, his voice sounds wistful.

“I could just go to the tattoo parlor across the street and get it tatted on me right now…” Jeno muses and Donghyuck knows that he’s joking, but there’s something in Jeno’s voice that hints otherwise.

Donghyuck lets himself laugh it off, “You’re ridiculous!”

The stare that Jeno pins him with makes him freeze. There’s an amused smirk on his lips, but his eyes glint dangerously. “Am I?”

“Don’t…” Donghyuck finally says after a few seconds of heavy silence. His eyes turn downwards, his voice gets even softer. “Don’t joke about things like that. It’s not fair.”

“For whom?” Jeno shoots once again without missing a beat. When Donghyuck looks up he’s greeted by a gaze so filled with determination that it renders him incapable to lie.

“For your future soulmate. It’s not fair for them.”

Jeno stays silent but the atmosphere is charged with something Donghyuck isn’t familiar with. It almost tastes daunting and Donghyuck is not one to be easily intimidated.

“Why do you keep pushing that I’m your soulmate?” He finally gathers his courage to meet Jeno heads on.

“Because it’s my name on your wrist.”

“So? There were three other people’s names on my wrist, you don’t see them being here, do you?”

“Donghyuck, you writhed on the floor in pain while getting my name branded onto your wrist. There’s no way that you’re not my soulmate after that.”

“Jeno, I have done this four times in my life. I have gone through that pain for Mark, and Renjun, and lastly for Yukhei. And still, I’m not their soulmate. I’m going to sound rude, but how different can you be?”

“Donghyuck, you don’t understand—”

“Then enlighten me!” Donghyuck ends up raising his voice with the frustration that has been brewing in his stomach. His hand ends up balling into a fist on Jeno’s hold.

Jeno just gently uncurls his fingers and holds Donghyuck’s open palm. “They left you, didn’t they? They’re not here anymore and so are their names on your wrist.”

The statement tastes bitter on his tongue. He scoffs mockingly, “Surely, you won’t be so foolish as to promise that you won’t leave me, Lee Jeno?”

“And what if I do? I’d pledge my life to you right here if that would make your name inked on my skin.”

“You sound like a teenager high on the idea of soulmates.”

“I’d like to think that I’m being positive. I want this, Donghyuck, I want to try this soulmate thing with you.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, I have no plan to leave you if you’d have me. You’re my soulmate, after all.” Donghyuck says easily because it’s true. Fate must be laughing at him right now. He is indeed a foolish mortal. He turns their hands around and traces the bare skin on Jeno’s wrist. “I just want you to know that this is not permanent, Jeno. One day, this wrist will be filled with the name of the one you’d love most, and that won’t be me.”

“How do you even know?”

“I’ve been through this with my second soulmate, Jeno-yah, trust me this won’t end pretty.”

“That isn’t fair.”

“Hasn’t been fair for the past three relationships, but Fate is a cruel being.”

“You know, Donghyuck? I think for someone who just knows me for two days, you’re quite harsh in your judgment of my personality. If Fate brings you to me, then I have no intention to let you go.” This time Jeno sends him a genuine smile. He props his chin on his free palm while his other hand stays in Donghyuck’s hold. His eyes turn into two pretty crescents as he leans forward—pushing his existence into Donghyuck’s space, teetering around the edges.

And for one moment, Donghyuck lets himself hate the smear of ink on his skin. For pulling the pieces of his heart so easily towards pretty smiles and pretty words without minding the consequences. Donghyuck wonders if they would still be here if the binding system didn’t exist. If Jeno still would get so determined to have Donghyuck in his life. If Donghyuck would even take a second look at Jeno.

He probably would. Donghyuck thinks if their paths still cross without their souls being intertwined with each other, Donghyuck would probably still take a fancy to Jeno. Such a pretty smile would be a crime to ignore.

He takes a big gulp of his iced coffee before looking back at Jeno with a faux sense of courage.

“Give me time,” Donghyuck finally says resolutely. Jeno doesn’t even budge at the comment, simply waiting for the subdued boy in front of him to continue. 

“I’m—” Donghyuck pauses and takes a shaky inhale of breath. At the end of the day, he’s not yet pieced back together. There are still so many pieces of him to be glued back together before he could dive into another relationship. “I can’t do this—us, yet. I don’t know how long I’d need to be able to… _commit_ to you. It won’t be fair to you or me—”

“Donghyuck,” Jeno squeezes his hand to stop him from rambling, “I’ll wait.” He says as genuine as he could get and Donghyuck finally has enough with all the sincerity Jeno exudes since day one.

“Why?”

Jeno just shrugs, a grin graces his face so easily, “God, Lee Donghyuck, you really don’t know your effect on people, do you?”

Donghyuck ignores whatever message that is implied in the statement despite how his cheeks are warming once again. Jeno’s eyes soften at the edges, his fingers are once again tracing his name on the honey skin.

“Take your time, Donghyuck, our days are never numbered.”

Donghyuck knows how wrong that statement could be.

And still, he lets the words fill the endless void inside his chest.

* * *

Sometimes Donghyuck forgets that losing a soulmate is not a simple one-day event in his life.

The pain doesn’t stop after the mark is erased from his skin. His life doesn’t magically get fixed the next morning he wakes up. The sorrow seeps deeper than just inside the crevices of his heart. It crawls inside the cracks on the walls, hides in the dark corner under his bed, settles in the depth of Donghyuck’s nightmares. Sometimes he wishes that Yukhei only left him with a torn soulmate bond. How he manages to also get a shattered home is beyond him.

It takes him a whole month. A month to mourn what could have been. A month to embrace reality. To realize that it’s not only about the heart—that, somewhere along the way, there’s an invisible dream being crushed. A small dream that had emerged and unknowingly flourished under the three happy years that he spent with Yukhei. Something so absurd Donghyuck ended up cursing his ability at sabotaging himself. Something along the lines of a white picket fence and matching silver bands. Utter nonsense.

It takes him another month to settle down the paperwork and move. He wishes letting go of three years’ worth of memory would be as easy as opening his palm and letting grains of sand slip away from his fingers.

It’s not.

It’s painful and his heart gets shattered again and again, but he gets there, eventually. Slowly putting it all back together. Still, it looks ugly, but no one would expect broken china to look good.

Donghyuck leans back on his office chair and closes his eyes, exhaling the longest sigh just to lose the tension on his shoulders. Time is such a strange concept. As the two months have been going very slow for him, he also can’t seem to remember much of what has happened. The flurry of work that has piled up ever since the project is once again in motion has been keeping him busy. Meetings after meetings, supervising one division after another, making sure that everything is going how it’s supposed to.

He glances at his computer again, only for his eyes to catch the small peach-colored post-it that was put at the edge of his desktop. 

_**Thinking about you.** _  
_**2304-2000-3737, I’ll be waiting** _

The infinitesimal smile that suddenly pulls at the corner of his lips is always unintentional, a mere reflection of the fluttering inside his stomach that occurs every time he takes a glance at the small piece of paper. It came just a few days ago, right before the month ends. A simple note stuck on a single flower. The flower hadn't even fully bloomed when it arrived, and still, it burst something inside his chest—something warm. Donghyuck keeps the flower near his windowsill in a small high glass, filled to the brim with water—now fully bloomed. He won’t admit the embarrassing amount of time that he had spent researching the flower when he saw the note.

Italian white sunflower—remembrance, thinking about you.

Donghyuck hasn’t dared to contact Jeno. Two long months of radio silence from both parties. Donghyuck hasn’t managed to pull the courage to approach the man whenever he comes to his company to talk business and Jeno has only been speaking with Jaemin’s divisions so far. 

That is until the flower came. 

Sometimes Donghyuck wonders what’s the limit to the freedom that he is given. He wonders if asking the other to wait for another month is pushing it—if the flower is a warning or a simple reminder. He would like to believe it’s the latter and lets himself savor the warmth that rushes through him whenever he steals a glance at the fully bloomed flower.

The flower will die, eventually. Donghyuck wonders if Jeno’s patience would too.

* * *

The world, unfortunately, never waits for a broken heart to heal. The planet keeps rotating and running around the sun. The time keeps ticking despite being a mere human-made concept. The sun keeps setting and the night keeps coming.

More often than not, the stars have started hiding behind grey clouds. Donghyuck wonders if they’re ever tired of listening to human’s wistful wishes.

Without him realizing, they’re already more than halfway through December.

His Bluetooth speaker is softly blasting Christmas carols when Jaemin suddenly barges into his office.

“I thought I’d see you here,” Jaemin says with a gentle smile on his face. “You know it’s Christmas Eve, right?”

Donghyuck only hums, eyes are still focusing on the latest report from the lab test-run.

“I bought chicken and beer,” Jaemin says again. Donghyuck can hear his grin more than he sees it. Although, the prospect of food definitely steals his attention. He grins at the bags of plastic in his friend’s hands.

“You’re the best.”

“Of course, we should spend Christmas with our loved ones, right?”

“You mean you should go home and spend time with Renjun?” Donghyuck raises his eyebrow as he puts down the report and opens a can of beer.

“He’s in China until New Year,” Jaemin shrugs before biting into his chicken.

Donghyuck laughs at that, “I can’t believe I’m only your back up, Na Jaemin! You met me first before you met him!”

“Don’t blame me, man, he’s my soulmate,” Jaemin says nonchalantly before finally leveling Donghyuck with his usual knowing stare. “So? Why are you here and not having dinner and getting drunk on eggnog with your new soulmate?”

Donghyuck scoffs at that, “Procrastinating,” he says jokingly.

He can hear Jaemin’s exasperated sigh even before he actually does it. “You’re an idiot.”

“I know.” Donghyuck takes another swig from his beer before turning his chair to stare at the span of the jet black night from his windows. The carols turn into something more mellow that Donghyuck has never heard before, but it envelopes the room in a certain gentle ambiance he rarely feels in his office. Both men simply cease to quietude, slowly absorbing the beauty of the twinkling city lights underneath their skyscraper.

“Pretty,” Jaemin mutters, and Donghyuck hums in agreement.

“Too bad we’re stuck at work.” 

Donghyuck hears Jaemin scoffs amusedly—after all, this is not the first time they had stayed at the office for holidays—before the other lets out a small gasp. Donghyuck’s eyes catch the small white objects floating— _falling_ —down to kiss the asphalt. There’s a little flash of regret in his chest when one falls right on the window and simply melts—something so ephemeral, the snow. Donghyuck wonders if for someone out there, he’s just as ephemeral as the snow.

“First snow of the year,” Jaemin says in a hushed voice. Donghyuck nods mutely. The carol keeps changing and the snow keeps falling. His heart keeps longing.

“Jaem,” Donghyuck says after a few moments of peaceful silence, “Should I?”

“You know, people say you’d have a long-lasting relationship if you watch the first snow together with your partner.”

There’s another long pause, one that is filled with crippling doubts and staggering hesitation. Donghyuck has never felt so unsure before—so out of his depth. Being a leader of a company teaches him to live otherwise, and yet here he is—heart quivering at the face of another rejection.

“What if it’s too late? Three months aren’t short.”

“Then his name should have been gone, shouldn’t it? Text him, Hyuckie, we both know you want to.” And Jaemin sounds so sure—so certain that Donghyuck wants to blindly put his faith in him.

Eventually, as the snow keeps falling to meet its demise on the ground, Donghyuck follows.

  
**To: Lee Jeno**  
_**Take a look outside.** _  
_**Happy Christmas, Jeno.** _

* * *

There’s something poetic about letting his life collide with Jeno’s.

Falling for Jeno should have felt like the words people pour down in poetry, should have tasted like blooming flowers and fluttering hearts, should have been momentous like the memory of summer festivals and fireworks and your first kiss. Falling for Jeno should have felt like a collision—harsh, unforgiving, fighting desperation with determination until Donghyuck is all shattered and ready to be rebuilt from scratch. 

The moment Donghyuck decided to send that message on Christmas eve, he was ready for any pain that might follow—ready to dive headfirst into another impending disaster in his life, ready for another blow to his already fragile state.

However, Jeno doesn’t come into his life in collisions. He comes in like a flurry of fresh air—a simple reminder of how much Donghyuck has been suffocating for the past three months. Jeno’s affection comes in a form that’s easy for the cracks in Donghyuck’s heart to absorb—subtle and comforting.

On Christmas day, Jeno comes into his office without any invitation or prior notice—simply bringing two cups of hot chocolate and a smile so pretty it can rival the pure white landscape outside of his office. He comes in a get-up so casual that makes Donghyuck wonder if this is the same Jeno that he usually sees having discussions with Jaemin. 

“I knew I would find you here,” Jeno says as a greeting. There’s a subtle lilt of delight in his tone. Surprised at the sudden entrance, Donghyuck can only gape at the uninvited guest.

“What are you doing here?” He finally asks when he gets his voice back. Jeno only shrugs, although his stare turns calculative.

“You texted me… Is this still not allowed?” Donghyuck’s heart stutters at the sudden pout that Jeno displays

“I—”

“I mean I can go if you’re busy…” the pout deepens and Donghyuck knows he must have looked so flustered.

“N-no please!” He flinches at how desperate he sounds. He clears his throat before trying once again, “I mean, you don’t bother me. Please do take a seat, Jeno.” He gestures at the empty chair across his work desk.

That’s when Jeno bursts out laughing.

“Donghyuck-ah, I’m only messing with you,” he says in between laughter as he takes the empty seat. “Why are you being so formal with me? Here, my apology.” Jeno puts one of the cups he has been holding right in front of Donghyuck. He can smell the rich chocolate wafting from the small hole at the lid. 

Donghyuck’s cheeks redden at the casual familiarity Jeno is calling him with.

“Thank you.” His eyes somehow still refuse to take a look at his supposed soulmate for more than a few seconds. “So, what are you doing here?”

At that Jeno grins. Donghyuck is pretty sure his heart is beating too fast to be considered healthy. Such a severe repercussion from avoiding his soulmate for three months. 

“It’s Christmas, you shouldn’t be working on Christmas,” Jeno says lightly.

Donghyuck hesitates at the implication.

“I’m here to ask you out,” Jeno says enthusiastically. “It’s such a nice day to be wasted on paperwork, but if you can’t leave, then I’m here to keep you company. At least one shouldn’t have to work alone on Christmas.” The smile that’s sent his way is gentle— _hopeful_. 

Donghyuck belatedly realizes how it doesn’t matter which choice that he chooses, at the end of the day, Jeno would still stay by his side and keep him company. The corner of his lips involuntarily turns up into a small smile.

“You’ve come all the way here, all dressed up like that and bribed me with chocolate, then how could I ever refuse?” 

* * *

One date turns to two and then three.

It’s weird. Moving forward with Jeno feels strangely _effortless_. As if being committed to a new soulmate is a child’s play, just as easy as turning his palm. There are times when they’re moving too fast for Donghyuck to comprehend his feelings, times when Donghyuck couldn’t push the breaks on his growing fondness. However, falling for Jeno feels _right_ , even when he feels like walking a tightrope—Donghyuck has never felt the need to stop, never felt the need to be overly cautious over everything that’s growing between the two of them.

Only God knows how tight the tendrils of fear have wound around Donghyuck’s heart.

Falling for Jeno feels like rekindling an old habit and it’s the scariest thing Donghyuck has ever experienced in his short life. It’s scary how familiar Jeno feels to him despite never meeting each other before. It’s scary how quick Jeno could assimilate himself into the routine of Donghyuck’s life. Above all, it’s scary the way Donghyuck could feel the way his soul yearns for Jeno’s existence. 

It’s terrifying how Donghyuck could feel the world—his world—shift when Jeno’s lips touched him for the first time. He feels no fireworks or zips of electricity running down his spine, but his soul feels it—a tinge of celebration in the universe. As if, some thousands of years ago, the stars were forcefully aligned only for this simple event to happen. The meeting of two fated souls, sealed under a tender kiss right below the night sky. 

Another spectacle of romance for the Deities to watch as they burn so bright and turn to ash.

“Do you feel that?” Jeno asks right after he leans away from their kiss. He sounds so astonished and Donghyuck feels like tearing up. There’s a pity in Jeno’s smile when he stares at Donghyuck’s face. Donghyuck doesn’t know to whom it's directed.

“I’m not the first one, aren’t I?” Donghyuck’s heart breaks once again at how quick he manages to turn the wonders in Jeno’s tone into dejection. And it aches to see how easy it is to break someone’s heart—such a fragile thing to hold all the emotions that humans are capable of. It aches, but Donghyuck can’t lie—won’t lie, not to Jeno.

“No,” he answers gently, trying to soften the blow. He doesn’t even dare to look at Jeno—doesn’t want to see the heartbreak he causes. How many times would Jeno take the brunt until he runs out of kindness? He could only hope Jeno would find his happiness when they’re eventually over.

Donghyuck finally looks up when he feels Jeno’s thumb caressing his cheek, beckoning his attention back to the man.

“Don’t look so sad, Hyuck-ah,” the way Jeno looks at Donghyuck is one of reassurance, “we still have a long time to discover our firsts.”

Jeno always sounds so certain—even when his wrist is still bare, even when Fate clearly says no—Jeno has always been so assured in his vision of their relationship. In the face of such a strong display of faith, Donghyuck’s doubts and insecurities can’t help but cower.

“Thank you, Jeno-yah. I enjoyed today,” Donghyuck simply says before leaning forward and over the console to take another kiss from Jeno’s lips. It’s terrifying to think that he can’t go back after this. It’s terrifying to know that his heart has eventually decided that even if their days are being numbered, Donghyuck would take everything Jeno is willing to give. When the day comes, when Jeno’s wrist is no longer empty, he won’t be left behind with piling regrets.

And so as simple as the first downpour in Spring, Donghyuck takes his leap of faith to fall.

* * *

Being with Jeno is—for the lack of a better word— _strange_.

In the years that Donghyuck had spent entangled in the knots of his soulbonds, not once has he felt as comfortable as being with Jeno. 

Pining for Mark had been months of being high on the puppy love and teenage boy’s first crush, before eventually drowning in the depth of his own emotions. He was left behind not only with a broken heart but also a broken soul. Maybe it was the hardest because it was the first time. No 17 year old should experience the amount of pain that Donghyuck had gone through back then.

Staying in a relationship with Renjun had felt like choosing the wrong battlefield. The two year long relationship was filled with playful banters and sharp words that sometimes cut deeper than they were supposed to. Donghyuck wasn’t ready to be in a relationship back then, but still, with a bleeding heart, he forced himself to fight something he knew he would lose. He had thought it would be better than losing another soulmate—as if they would make it together if he kept trying his best to endure everything. He never admits it to anyone, but staying with Renjun was one of the things he regretted most in his life. The unintentional scars that kept piling eventually erased the happy memories in between. He spent a long time loathing the relationship—loathing Renjun—before he could remember the happiness that Renjun brought to his life. Sometimes, he still wonders whether they would feel as much pain if Donghyuck hadn’t fought so hard for the relationship. Maybe they would’ve been spared from it if Donghyuck had just accepted that his name wasn’t going to be magically written on Renjun’s bare wrist.

Living with Yukhei had been the happiest three years he was gifted with. But even then—even when he was surrounded by the brightest human he has ever met in his life, even when his life was 24/7 filled with sunshine and delight, even when Yukhei was the kindest, most loving human he had the chance to ever know—even _then_ , he knew it was destined to fall apart. He could feel the sharp claws of impending despair crawling in the dark, hiding under his bed only to pounce in his nightmare. He could feel the gaps between their fingers whenever they were intertwined. He could point out all of their sharp edges that would poke each other in their sleep. As if they were two puzzle pieces that belong together but were cut incorrectly—unfitting, no matter how hard they were forced together. Donghyuck had always known, and yet he refused to embrace reality. Because he was _happy_ —he was so damn happy that he was ready to close his eyes to the empty cracks inside his chest that stayed empty no matter how much love Yukhei had poured into their life. Maybe that’s why they crumbled—maybe Donghyuck’s cup was too big and Yukhei ran out of love to fill Donghyuck’s cracks with.

Eventually, he fell apart alone—soulmate bond cut in half while the rest of them found their true end of the red string.

He doesn’t know what makes Jeno feel different.

Jeno feels comfortable. The simple nights they spend working in Donghyuck’s office feel more fulfilling than the nights Donghyuck spent being curled up in Yukhei’s embrace. Whenever their fingers are shyly intertwined, the gap ceases to non-existence. As if the two souls already recognized each other since they first met.

“Hyuckie… Donghyuck…” The fingers that snap right in front of his eyes breaks him out of his reverie. He makes an involuntary surprised noise before snapping his gaze to Jeno who is visibly trying to hold a grin from breaking on his face.

“What?”

“We’re here,” Jeno’s gaze is gentle. There’s a twinkle in his eyes that leans toward amusement more than mischief. Donghyuck looks outside the car’s window and is met with the looming building of his new apartment. He can feel his cheeks heating up at the fact that Jeno has caught him staring. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your door,” Jeno says while simultaneously unfastening his seatbelt and getting out of his car. Donghyuck immediately follows the other before Jeno can lock him in the car just to mess with him.

It’s one of the unexpected parts of being with Jeno. Donghyuck has never imagined that Jeno would be as mischievous as him—of course, he never does it with the grand gesture that Donghyuck loves so much, after all, Jeno is never one who seeks attention. But in the simple moments just between the two of them, Jeno loves teasing Donghyuck as much as Donghyuck loves messing with Jeno.

Sometimes, Donghyuck likes to think that he wakes up the playful side of Lee Jeno—like some kind of self-reassurance that it’s not only Jeno that has a big impact on his life, that he also brings something to the table beside his insecurities and broken past.

The walk to Donghyuck’s apartment is always silent—the peaceful kind. As if they want to absorb their limited time together without the presence of any intrusive thoughts before the night breaks them apart, and they’d have to wait for the day to change before they can see each other again. Before long, they would arrive in front of Donghyuck’s door, Jeno would bid him goodnight with his gorgeous smile, and Donghyuck would let him go with a heavy heart.

It has become a routine they unintentionally fell into for the past month. One that Donghyuck is afraid to break, despite knowing that he’s the only one with control in this relationship. He doesn’t know why Jeno still lets the ball fall into his hands even after being ghosted for three months, but everyone can see that Jeno is still waiting for Donghyuck, never once taking any decisions to move their relationship forward.

He’s scared for the day when Jeno would not wait anymore.

There’s a tightening knot inside his stomach when they finally arrive in front of Donghyuck’s door. He turns to face Jeno with a faux easy smile on his face.

“Thanks for driving me home, Jeno.” The words that he really wants to say are stuck at the back of his throat. And Jeno smiles, like always. His palm reaches the top of Donghyuck’s head, patting it twice.

“No problem. Have a good night, Donghyuck,” he says easily, calling it the end of their time together as he turns around to leave.

And Donghyuck hates the way his heart keeps feeling heavy every single time they do this—hates the way his hand unconsciously tightens at the strap of his bag just to stop himself from blurting out something else. He doesn’t even know what keeps holding him back from asking Jeno to stay—from inviting him inside and prolonging their time together. Yes, he’s scared of the day Jeno would stop waiting for him, but the thought of having the control in his hand and not doing anything about it should have scared him more.

The thought of being left behind without any memories just because he’s scared overrides all the apprehension he has about voicing his longing.

“Jeno!” Donghyuck suddenly lets out albeit a little too loud in the empty hallway. All the chains that have been holding him back suddenly vanish in a flash display of courage.

“Hm?” Donghyuck can see the other man turning around to face him. There’s a small glint of surprise tinting his eyes, but even when he’s surprised, Jeno’s gaze towards him has always been gentle. An incentive so that Donghyuck knows that he’d always be welcome to share his everything.

“Would you… Do you want to come inside for a quick dinner?” Donghyuck asks. His gaze is cast downward but, somehow, his voice sounds calm despite the storm that’s raging inside his chest. The moment he gathers the courage to gauge Jeno’s expression at the offer, he feels as if there’s a weight that has been lifted from his entire existence. The grin that Jeno sends his way feels warmer than the first sunray of Spring. Donghyuck thinks he wouldn’t mind having flowers growing at the cavity of his chest if Jeno’s the reason.

“Of course, Hyuck-ah. I’ll be glad to join you for dinner.”

* * *

Donghyuck is woken up from his slumber by the gentle stream of sunlight that’s coming from the bedside window of his room. He opens his eyes to the sight of a sleeping Jeno in his bed and he can feel the way his heart swells. 

Ever since he decided to throw caution to the wind that night and invited Jeno to his place, Jeno has been frequently staying over at his place. It ends up becoming a new habit for Jeno to stay whenever he drives Donghyuck home too late at night. Sometimes, Jeno even invites himself in when he has a deadline to finish. He claims that Donghyuck’s apartment is closer than his own—which is true, but Jeno’s apartment is also only 5 minutes away from Donghyuck’s. Donghyuck never says anything—not a single complaint has been said because, honestly, he loves having Jeno around. Jeno always makes the empty apartment feel a little bit more alive even when he does nothing but focus on his work.

He can feel the corners of his lips turning up in a lazy smile as he watches Jeno’s eyelids flutter before opening slightly, “Good morning, Jeno-yah.”

And Donghyuck can do nothing but keep watching when Jeno’s eyes turn into two happy crescents. If Donghyuck’s last wish could be granted by Fate, he would wish for that smile to never be erased from Jeno’s life. He has never felt as overbrimming with affection as he does right at this moment. His heart feels so full, it’s almost suffocating.

Donghyuck welcomes the ache as Jeno leans forward and kisses the lazy smile off his lips.  
“Good morning, Hyuckie,” he says while moving closer under the blanket and easily trapping Donghyuck in between his arms. The sun-kissed boy simply snuggles into the space between Jeno’s neck and shoulder and lets his body relax, dropping his weight for Jeno to bear.

The silence envelops them both and Donghyuck lets his mind float in the tranquil atmosphere. It’s the nicest morning Donghyuck has ever experienced in weeks.

“It’s summer holiday,” Jeno finally says softly, as if he’s afraid to break the easy atmosphere.

Donghyuck snorts from his place in Jeno’s chest, “We’re not in school anymore, babe.”

The word is out before Donghyuck could bite his tongue. He wants to smack himself when he can feel Jeno’s body tense under him. But then two seconds pass and the arms around Donghyuck’s middle tighten imperceptibly. Donghyuck can feel Jeno’s grin more than he can see it. He lets out a relieved sigh.

Sometimes, he needs to remind himself that they have been at this push and pull game for almost half a year, and still, Jeno hasn’t packed his bag and left at the earliest inconvenience. Almost half a year and the control has yet to move away from Donghyuck’s fingers.

“Sorry, sometimes it surprises me when you do things like that.” Jeno murmurs apologetically, but the hint of happiness that’s underlying his tone is crystal clear. Donghyuck digs his chin into Jeno’s chest to look at the other’s eyes.

“Like what?” He raises his eyebrows challengingly—teasing Jeno has always been a fun part-time job. Donghyuck holds back the smile that’s threatening to come out when Jeno splutters.

“Donghyuck…” He whines and Donghyuck takes absolute delight at seeing Jeno’s cheeks reddening. He decides to take pity for his man—God, when did he become this sappy—and leans forward to steal a quick kiss from the pouting lips.

They fall back into the serene silence, letting the morning bliss wash over the both of them. Donghyuck has been spending more and more weekends at the comfort of his own home once Jeno suddenly decided to take refuge at Donghyuck’s home every Friday night just so that they can spend the weekend together. Today marks the only long weekend of the year that they could spend together. And there’s something that Donghyuck has been wanting to propose—something that might end badly for both of them, but something that needs to be done. Something that Donghyuck wants to do however the outcome might be.

“Jeno,” he starts. The hesitation in his voice is as clear as today’s sky. Jeno only tightens his embrace as a hint that he’s listening. Donghyuck swallows the nerves in his throat and pushes forward. “Let’s say it’s our summer holiday, which it is considering it’s a holiday on Monday, so we have three days for ourselves—”

“Donghyuck, you’re rambling.” Jeno chastises gently which makes him stop abruptly. “Out with it,” Jeno says as one of his hands starts rubbing Donghyuck’s back soothingly, coaxing answers out of him.

“Would you mind spending it with me?” He watches the way Jeno’s eyes are suddenly filled with something he hasn’t seen in awhile— _wonder_.

“Yes, yes, definitely yes. Where?” Jeno answers so fast and Donghyuck almost wants to laugh at himself for worrying so much about this. Of course, Jeno would be excited. 

“Jeju.” Jeno’s head tilts a little to the side in confusion but lets out no complaint, which makes Donghyuck’s heart trip on its beat. Donghyuck doesn’t know how lucky he is to be able to meet the man in front of him. “What do you think about meeting my family?”

And he doesn’t know what kind of thoughts run in Jeno’s brain at the proposal—even the soulbond can’t give them such privilege as to read each other’s minds—but Donghyuck thinks he could guess pretty well from the way Jeno’s lips devour his for the next hour.

* * *

Donghyuck rarely feels like he’s standing on top of the world. 

But as he walks side by side with Jeno along the shore, hands intertwined and feelings delightedly illuminated by the grandiose glow of the sunset, Donghyuck can’t describe the feelings that are brewing inside his chest. He feels indomitable. As if nothing could defeat him right now—not even the sight of Jeno’s bare wrist. The wind is gentle, tirelessly caressing the strands of their hair, and the ocean is eagerly kissing the shore in pleasant waves. Donghyuck can’t help but embrace the feelings, storing them in his memories for safekeeping—for the days where the warmth of the person beside him would have been gone.

The trip to Jeju had turned out nicer than Donghyuck would have ever thought. The three days were spent with them under the summer sun, hopping around the city for good food and an introduction to Donghyuck’s childhood life. Exhausting their short holiday to simply exist in the city where Donghyuck grew up in, making memories and blooming feelings, shortening the distance of the two hearts.

The last thing they would have to do is to visit Donghyuck’s family for dinner in the next hour. Jeno had been nervous, but Donghyuck was high-strung with anxiety. Thus the reason they ended up taking a light stroll at the beach near their hotel before they would need to go.

“Why the beach?” Donghyuck finally breaks the silence between them once they find a pile of sturdy rocks to sit on without smearing their clothes with sand. Jeno chuckles in response.

“It feels like your comfort place,” he says. His eyes stare ahead at the orange sun that’s residing into the horizon. He’s not wrong, Donghyuck does feel better.

Donghyuck also watches the sublime view in front of him. It’s not every day he could see something this majestic. “You know…” he starts, albeit not knowing how to communicate the thoughts in his head. Jeno gives his hand an encouraging squeeze. “When you said we’re going to find our firsts, I was really, really happy. I don’t know how long you’re going to keep waiting for me, and there are still times when I think your patience will eventually run out but thank you for giving me a chance.”

“I told you to take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

Donghyuck can’t say anything to the conviction that’s underlying Jeno’s tone, and so he just gives another squeeze to the hand he’s holding. Even after all this time, Jeno’s determination still hasn’t flamed out. And the way Donghyuck’s heart constricts inside his chest hurts him almost to the point of tears. Because how could he keep denying his soulmate—how could he keep fooling his heart to stay behind the line when it keeps yearning to touch the one that has been waiting for him for so long? Jeno hasn’t moved from the other side of the line, one hand is still outstretched towards Donghyuck for the past 6 months, waiting to be taken. The ball is still in Donghyuck’s court to make his next move. 

It would be cruel to keep him waiting. 

However, Donghyuck doesn’t want to keep him waiting. 

How could he when the only thing he wants to do is to yell for the world to hear how he’s irrevocably in love with this man? 

Ah, he wishes he had the power to stamp his name permanently to Jeno’s wrist and cut any strings that connect Jeno to his future soulmate. 

Does that make him sound cruel?

After all, Jeno’s happiness is the only thing that matters most.

However, on all the Deities that are watching his play of tragedy and above all things that are holy, he can’t help but desperately pray that he could be the reason behind Jeno’s happiness.

“Come on,” Donghyuck finally says as he stands up, “You won’t make a good impression on my parents if you’re late.” He sends a grin to Jeno—a real one. With one hand out-stretched, Donghyuck finally takes Jeno’s waiting hand on the other side of the line. If Jeno’s happiness eventually ends up with others, at least the most he could do is to become his reason for happiness now.

Jeno follows him with ease, leisurely walking back to their hotel as if they still have all the time in the world for them just to exist together. “So, is this a part of our firsts?” It’s teasing, Jeno’s tone, but Donghyuck can’t hide the bubbling happiness that’s brewing in him.

“Hmm!” Donghyuck grins when Jeno stops in his tracks, dumbfounded. Maybe he wasn’t expecting that. “You’re the first one to meet my family, so you can’t mess this up! I won’t have them not liking the first soulmate I bring home.” It feels nice finally saying it—finally acknowledging the status of his soulmate. As if he’s declaring it for the world to hear that Jeno is his soulmate—that it’s Jeno’s name written on his wrist, that for the time being Jeno is his to cherish and no one else’s.

The happy smile Jeno lets out—the way Jeno's arms trap him and swings him in the air with ease—makes Donghyuck’s heart swell ten times its size.

“I’m taking that as a challenge, Hyuckie. They’ll like me more than they like you by the end of today!”

* * *

It’s currently half an hour to midnight and Donghyuck is trying to keep his worries at bay.

Jeno had said that he would visit late today, but Donghyuck doesn’t know he would be this late. Their project collaboration is currently in the process of wrapping up. Everything has gone so exceptionally well that it shocks his company a little. They thought with Yukhei bailing on it, the project would at least take a small blow, but Jeno has been doing his end of the bargain so exquisitely that it feels a little bit silly to worry this much in the first place. Donghyuck wonders if today’s meeting with the distributors went a little bit too long.

Donghyuck is warming the dinner he made earlier so that Jeno could at least eat when he hears the beeping noise of his passcode being punched in. He can’t help but raise his eyebrows at how forceful it sounds to his ear. He has never seen an angry or annoyed Jeno before in his life. However, judging from the sound of his door being opened and closed louder than usual, this is probably the moment he would see the usually gentle and patient—almost to the point of unbreakable—front ruffled.

He gasps when Jeno finally walks into his line of sight—hair messy and eyes red as if he has been spending the past hour crying—Donghyuck’s hand automatically turns off the stove and his feet move forward—to get himself closer and within Jeno’s reach. He can’t guess what makes Jeno come home in this state, but his heart races in uneasiness. His eyes roam all over Jeno’s tense stature—his jaw is locked and the lines of his shoulders are strung tight—but the light in his eyes is dimmed. And Donghyuck’s heart breaks all over again at the crestfallen look on Jeno’s face.

“Jeno…” He moves forward cautiously, taking Jeno’s cheeks in between both of his palms, “are you okay?” His voice comes out gentle as if Jeno is a wounded animal that he’s scared to spook.

Donghyuck doesn’t know what has happened—doesn’t understand what’s running on Jeno’s mind when the other is looking at him so intensely. There’s something familiar that burns at the back of Jeno’s eyes, but Donghyuck can’t put a name to it. His eyes widen comically when out of nowhere Jeno surges forward and takes Donghyuck’s lips in a bruising kiss—his hands move to trap the shocked boy’s face and hold him still, before suddenly moving towards the hem of his t-shirt and pulling at it.

There’s a surprised keen that’s drawn from the back of his throat and his hands move to push Jeno’s shoulders away frantically. There’s an alarm that blares in his mind because Jeno has never done this before—he has never kissed Donghyuck with such a force, never held Donghyuck still so that he can’t move, never dared to venture beyond what his eyes can see. They have never talked about this before—haven’t even considered whether they’re ready for this. Jeno has always been gentle and kind. Donghyuck has never tasted this type of desperation coming from Jeno and it startles him.

He can only do what his instinct tells him—push Jeno away, set himself free.

And yet, even in the state that he is, Jeno is way stronger than Donghyuck. For once, he’s the one being under Jeno’s mercy.

Donghyuck can feel his brain stop working when he suddenly tastes tears on his tongue and he finally uses all the strength he has to wrench Jeno away from him.  
“Jeno!” Donghyuck says in a ludicrous tone—voice getting a little bit louder than what he wants it to be. “What the fuck?” His eyes roam at how the man in front of him is shaking, at the tracks of tears that are lining his cheeks, at the vulnerability Jeno’s sporting right now. Donghyuck can see the way Jeno’s hands fidget as if they want to reach out to Donghyuck, but they’re not certain if it’s allowed.

“Please… Donghyuck…” Donghyuck doesn’t know what the man needs—what Jeno’s asking from him, but his heart aches at the way Jeno’s voice cracks. He slowly moves forward again and envelops Jeno in his embrace, letting the other man’s head hide in his shoulders. The pair of arms that hug his middle abdomen for once feel distraught instead of comforting. “Please…” he whispers once again, his face not moving from his hiding place on Donghyuck’s shoulder.

“What do you need?” Donghyuck finally asks, one hand gently stroking the back of Jeno’s head for a semblance of comfort. As if saying that he’s here with Jeno. He wants to tell him that—just like how Jeno had always been here for him, he’s also here for the other.

“You,” Jeno says in a more stable voice. And Donghyuck can feel the way his heart flutters, but at the same time, he’s scared. They should have talked about this before. He shouldn’t agree to this when they both are highly strung on their emotions.

“Are you sure?” Donghyuck asks instead. The least they could do when making a bad decision is to be sure of it. That way, they couldn’t regret anything that comes as a result.

Jeno finally leans away and looks into Donghyuck’s eyes with so much conviction, he can’t help but agree to it.

“Words.”

“Yes,” Jeno says once again. Donghyuck puts a hand on Jeno’s cheek and watches as the other takes his hand and guides it to his mouth, gently dropping a kiss on his wrist—the one with his name on it.

“Then you have me,” Donghyuck says before leaning forward and taking Jeno’s lips in his mouth—kissing him with as much fervor as he can pour into it. Donghyuck has never experienced being kissed the way Jeno is kissing him right now. Don’t get him wrong, it isn’t like he has never done anything like this—but the way Jeno is gripping his entire being, as if he’s clutching Donghyuck’s soul within his grip, it almost feels like he would disappear if Jeno doesn’t hold him just as tightly.

And his heart once again constricts at that. It’s supposed to be Donghyuck’s role to be scared and worried that Jeno will leave him and not the other way around.

The next few minutes fly by in a flurry of motions. Bodies are being ridden of clothes, bedsheets being ruffled from frantic making out, and eventually, Donghyuck is three fingers deep into Jeno.

Jeno—for the lack of better words—has been an absolute mess. Donghyuck can’t help but frown when the tears don’t stop flowing out. He’s terrified—of hurting the man under him, of overwhelming him, of making the wrong move in such an emotionally charged situation. Jeno’s continuous litany of pleasure is the only thing that keeps him going. He would have to trust Jeno to tell him if he’s doing something wrong, if he’s hurting at Donghyuck’s actions.

“Donghyuck!” Jeno keens once again as Donghyuck’s finger brushes the spot that makes him see stars. Donghyuck witnesses the way Jeno’s eyes roll to the back of his head, watches the beautiful line of his body arching away from the bed, notices the way his fingers keep gripping at the sheet ever since Donghyuck pushed him to lie down. “Donghyuck, please… Don’t go gentle...”

Donghyuck pulls his fingers away, simply ignoring Jeno’s whine, and climbs up until he’s meeting Jeno eye to eye. The weight that has been piling up on Donghyuck’s shoulders doesn’t relent when he still can see the sadness tinged pleasure in his soulmate’s gaze. And he wants to stop—he wants to move away, he wants Jeno to talk to him, he wants to sulk and throw a fit at the simplest thought that Jeno is feeling anything but happiness right at this moment.

Still, Donghyuck would do anything to stop Jeno from pleading at him as if he believes that Donghyuck won’t give him the moon if he asked.

“How could I when you look like you’ll break under the barest pressure?” Donghyuck says gently as he leans forward, praying that he could kiss Jeno’s sadness away— _fuck_ Jeno’s sadness away. He can’t help but feel greedy at the pleasure that courses in his veins when he is finally fully sheathed inside Jeno. There’s no way he’s letting Jeno taint this consecrated shared moment where only the two of them exist with anything other than the unrefined hedonism that’s currently coursing through him. With the simple desire of making Jeno lose himself under Donghyuck— _because of_ Donghyuck—he thrusts himself, slowly, over and over again into the man under him. Taking his time to unravel Jeno until he eventually reaches his high with a loud sob.

And Donghyuck leans away, slowly pulling out so that the oversensitivity doesn’t hurt Jeno. Out of nowhere, Jeno’s hand shoots out to grab his wrist. The strength of the grip surprises Donghyuck because, honestly, Jeno doesn’t look like he has come back from his bliss. However, as he looks at the hand that’s circling his wrist, everything finally clicks for Donghyuck.

**Jang Yeeun.**

How many times should his heart get shattered until it’s irremediable?

“Please don’t leave,” Donghyuck snaps his eyes to the man under him, taking in the dazed and teary eyes—the panic and heartbreak that’s painted so clearly on his face. Jeno sobs once again as his eyes plead with Donghyuck, “ _Please_ , Donghyuck, don’t go.”

And he could feel his own eyes tearing up at the way Jeno is begging him to stay. Because Lee Jeno has always been the epitome of everything good in Donghyuck’s world and he deserves his happiness. Who is Donghyuck to choose what makes Jeno happy—who is he to disregard all the effort Jeno had exerted in making Donghyuck happy?

Fate could be doing him the dirtiest, but She has no right in making Jeno cry.

Donghyuck once again leans forward, taking Jeno’s face in between his palms. Jeno whines low at the sudden movement of Donghyuck inside him.

“I’m sorry, please, don’t know how it got there—” Jeno’s nonsensical sentence is cut abruptly as Donghyuck kisses him—hard, almost demanding. A physical reminder that Donghyuck is still here. There’s something primal that’s clawing its way home into Donghyuck’s gut at the series of mewling sounds that Jeno lets out whenever Donghyuck so much as moves. And he lets the feelings consume him—the jealousy that flares when he first sees the name, the heartbreak that follows, the bone-deep exhaustion at having to repeat another painful cycle of history, and the sheer desire he has for Jeno to be completely his. He can feel the way Jeno is getting hard again as he slowly grinds inside, neither making a move to pull out nor to thrust in. Simply brushing over Jeno’s prostate again and again, one hand reaching south to stroke him slowly—leisurely as if he has all the time in the world to reduce Jeno into moans and babblings of pleasure just with the simplest ministrations.

Mortals can’t cheat Fate, it’s a simple rule. But with each mark that he puts on Jeno’s skin, Donghyuck makes a spectacle of how Lee Jeno is his soulmate before anyone can take him away from Donghyuck’s fingers.

He has given up on playing the docile character. After all, he is the devoted kind, how could he simply let his soulmate slip away from his fingers just because Fate says so?

 **Lee Jeno** , inked crystal clear on his wrist. He’s not letting it get erased ever again.

“Lee Jeno,” Donghyuck says, voice straining under the pleasure that he’s putting the both of them through. “My soulmate, Lee Jeno…” Jeno’s whimpers get louder with every bite and suck that Donghyuck leaves on his skin. 

And as Donghyuck bites the skin underneath him quite harshly as the last mark he would put on Jeno for the night, he feels himself coming undone. 

“Come for me, Jeno,” Donghyuck finally says under his harsh breathing with another tug to Jeno’s cock. His thumb gives a quick swipe to the slit and Jeno screams as he paints both of their stomachs with his come.

The moment Jeno comes back from his post-orgasm bliss, Donghyuck has finished cleaning their skin of anything that might cause stickiness in the next few hours. The aircon is whirring gently and Jeno is already tucked under a new blanket, Donghyuck lying beside him with one hand soothingly stroking Jeno’s hair.

“Donghyuck?” Jeno calls his name warily, brows furrowed in a frown. Donghyuck softly clicks his tongue and rubs his thumb on Jeno’s forehead, smoothing the frown away.

“Are you okay?” he asks, gently pushing all the problems they have at hands away to be dealt with on another day. Jeno looks absolutely exhausted and Donghyuck would rather have him resting than stressing over whatever joke Fate is playing at them. Jeno hums—Donghyuck doesn’t know if it’s to answer him or if it’s because Donghyuck is back to stroking his hair. Physical touch is after all the easiest means to remind someone of someone else’s existence.

“Good. Go to sleep, Jeno. I’ll be here when you wake up,” he murmurs gently. As if it’s a secret only for both of them to know.

There’s a small smile that plays at the corner of Jeno’s lips as Donghyuck leans forward to drop a gentle kiss on Jeno’s cheek. 

Jeno falls into a deep slumber within seconds with the feeling of Donghyuck’s arm encircling his middle and half of Donghyuck’s weight on his chest.

* * *

When Donghyuck wakes up in the morning, Jeno’s arms are trapping him from moving anywhere. He smiles at how Jeno still doesn’t let him go subconsciously. Donghyuck takes his time to watch Jeno sleep—it’s become a favorite pastime of his every morning when Jeno stays in his apartment.

Donghyuck smiles lazily as he watches Jeno’s eyelids flutter before opening slightly, “Good morning, Jeno-yah.” It almost feels like a deja vu, except this time Jeno’s eyes don’t turn up into his usual happy crescents when they land on Donghyuck.

Donghyuck hates how dumbfounded he looks. Somewhere inside his heart, Jeno doesn’t believe that he would wake up to Donghyuck staying beside him and it shoots a pain directly to his chest.

“You’re here…” Donghyuck hates how Jeno’s voice is once again filled with so much wonder.

However, above all, Donghyuck hates himself for being the reason that Jeno can’t imagine the scenario where Donghyuck will stay with him— _for_ him.

“I could leave if you want…” He eventually opts for a joke because that’s what he knows best, but the way Jeno’s arms tighten desperately around him and the rapidly growing panic in Jeno’s eyes just serve as a hard slap for him.

Donghyuck once again takes Jeno’s face in between his palms.

“Jeno, I’m joking, okay? I’m not leaving until you ask me to. I told you in that damn cafe, right? I have no plan to leave you if you’ll have me.” Donghyuck says with as much conviction as he could muster in his voice. His heart breaks all over again when Jeno’s eyes are suddenly filled with tears for the second day in a row.

“God, Donghyuck,” Jeno says with a heavy exhale, “I was so _scared_.” his voice trembles and Donghyuck can’t do much besides rubbing his jaw slowly with his thumb, desperately hoping that it brings Jeno a semblance of comfort.

“Did it hurt?” Donghyuck hopes it doesn’t, at least not as painful as when his soul mark shows up. And yet Jeno nods. Donghyuck would love to punch Fate in the face.

“It felt like there’s a hot iron being pressed into my skin. I think I spent hours inside my car just crying—at the pain, at the prospect of going back home to you. How could I face you when I’m bearing someone else’s name on my skin?”

Donghyuck’s heart squeezes at the way Jeno calls his apartment—calling _him_ —as his home.

“I’m sorry, Jeno-yah, I’m so sorry.” He can feel his own eyes tearing up. “I’m sorry for letting you feel as if I would pack my bag and leave at the earliest inconvenience. I’ve kept you at arm’s length for almost a year. I’m sorry for not trying harder, for making you feel as if the name that’s inked on your skin matters more than you. Seeing you so heartbroken over a simple name, hearing you plead for me to stay, it breaks my heart more than seeing another name on your wrist.” Donghyuck takes Jeno’s wrist into his line of sight and kisses the name that’s permanently written on it. “You shouldn’t have to beg for your happiness. Lee Jeno, you deserve the happiness that you choose for yourself.”

“And what if I choose you?” Donghyuck lets his tears fall at the unadulterated sincerity behind Jeno’s question. 

“Then I should try harder to let you know how much I love you.”

Donghyuck watches as his words register in Jeno’s brain in slow motion—watches as Jeno’s expression jumps from shock to incredulity to realization until a surprised, happy smile finally breaks his lips. Donghyuck knows he’s sporting the exact expression on his face.

“Lee Jeno, my soulmate, I love you. And I’m sorry that I’m only able to say this now. My heart was too hung up on its trauma that it completely missed its silver lining. I love you, more than whatever is written on our wrists. I would cut your damn soulmate bond and entangle it with mine if I could. But I can’t, so I take my next best chance.” Donghyuck looks fondly at the scattered marks on Jeno’s plain chest. “I’m sorry for being so selfish, but I can’t help the jealousy that flared in me when I saw someone else marking you so permanently.”

The next thing he knows, Donghyuck is lying on his back, being kissed senseless by the man atop him. He can’t help the smile that breaks on his lips at the flame that’s coursing through his veins and stopping at his wrist. The soulmate bond feels stronger than ever and Donghyuck would be damned before he lets anyone or anything come between them.

“I love you, too—God—Donghyuck, I love you so much. Not because you’re my fated person. I just simply fell in love with you, so hard and so irrevocably, that I don’t want anyone else in my life. You have me for better or for worse.” And Jeno looks at him with so much love brimming inside his eyes that Donghyuck feels like tearing up again.

“I chose you as my happiness, Lee Donghyuck. To hell with Fate.” 

How could he fight with such determination? For a man to have so much faith that he could beat Fate, Donghyuck certainly can’t dispute such faith, not when his heart was simply designed for complete devotion.

And so after a deep curtsy to the Deities, he cuts the string that cuffed his limbs to Fate’s control, letting himself fall off the tragedy stage with the simple faith that Jeno’s arms are waiting to catch him at the bottom of the cliff.

* * *

The fateful day happens around two years later.

Autumn is at its peak, bringing more colors to the already colorful world. Donghyuck is once again taking an afternoon stroll with Jeno this time around the city instead of along the shore. Their hands are intertwined as the gentle autumn wind caresses the strands of their hair. Their feelings are once again illuminated by the orange glow of the sunset, manifesting in the form of two glinting silver bands on their fingers. It’s neither a day of celebration nor a holiday. They simply take time off work because there’s a new seafood restaurant near their apartment, and they just can’t pass the chance to try it out.

“A dinner date,” Jeno had said last week on the phone and Donghyuck had snorted.

“Jeno, how many times should I tell you that you’re not a teenager anymore.” His eyes didn’t stray away from the important document in his hands.

“Okay fair, but we both know you love seafood and you’ve been dying to visit the place.”

Donghyuck pouted, “Not my fault they always close before we arrive home.”

“True, which is why we’re going there before it’s closed! Come on, Hyuckie~” And honestly who could ever deny Jeno when he’s being so cute? Definitely not Donghyuck, so he ended up agreeing. Now here they are on the side of an empty street, just across the small restaurant, waiting for the red light to turn green.

Donghyuck is busy listing all the food he has been craving to eat for months to Jeno, eyes crinkling in happiness and heart swelling in fondness at the way Jeno is looking at him.

“Babe, you’re going to die of cholesterol,” Jeno says exasperatedly. They both know Donghyuck’s just joking, but Jeno loves to humor him all the same. Right at that moment, two other girls are half running to cross the street in the opposite direction.

Donghyuck doesn’t know what makes them stand out—doesn’t know why his feet stop moving without his command. Until one of the girls half shouts while laughing at her friend’s antics—the one that’s already way ahead.

“Yeeun! Yah, Jang Yeeun, wait for me, you brat!”

It has been such a long time since he feels the familiar ache in his chest. The name is quick to be recognized, after all, Donghyuck sees it every damn day. There’s a detached part of himself that wonders how this would play out—if Jeno would turn around and catch the girl, if he would be left stranded in the middle of the road, if he would be forced to call Jaemin just so could drink his heartache away.

“Donghyuck?” Suddenly there’s snapping fingers in the line of his sight that breaks him out of his reverie, and his brain registers Jeno’s voice calling him.

He snaps his head up, frantically looking at Jeno—to gauge his expression, to know what kind of decision he had made. The look on Jeno’s face can’t lie, Donghyuck knows he has also heard the name.

But then again, no one could win over Jeno in perseverance.

Donghyuck’s heart constricts at the way Jeno simply smiles at him as if whatever just happened is nothing of importance.

“Let’s go?” Jeno asks, one hand out-stretched, waiting. There’s always a choice for Donghyuck to opt-out. He could say no and Jeno would nod without any further questions. 

Donghyuck simply smiles and takes the offered hand. To hell with Fate.

“Let’s go.”


End file.
